My Dad was a man among men. He was a loving, kind, gracious father. He was quick to forgive, slow to judge, slow to anger, and always loved unconditionally. He was married to my mother for 52 years and she was truly the love of his life. I asked him once what allowed him to remain faithful all of those years. He looked at me and said, "What do you mean? I love your mother. That's enough." We had lots of conversations over the years about love...he called it an action verb. He knew that love wasn't a state of being, it was showing someone how you loved them. Dad showed us as little girls when we would stub our toe and cry. He'd hug us and kiss us and tell us that the table was very naughty and then proceed to spank it. If we were in trouble and, in an overly dramatic way, ran to our rooms and threw ourselves across our beds, he was the first to find us and kiss away our sadness and restore our confidence. Dad would tell us that our actions were unbecoming, but that his love was the same.
Dad's greatest dream was that we would all get an education. He'd grown up in a poor community, working on the farm, but he pursued his education. He knew the value of having one. Dad graduated as Valedictorian of his high school class. He was a civil engineer and also obtained a degree in Meteorology while in the Air Force. After the Air Force, he worked off shore, built highways, surveyed land, and built paper mills. He was a history buff and told us endless stories about historical events. He read extensively and taught himself how to work Autocad and manage a home PC in order to keep up with the latest technology. Dad had a great thirst for knowledge. It didn't end with historical facts or figures either. Dad was a student of the Bible, too. Sometimes his logical, mathematical mind had trouble resolving the mysteries found in scripture, but he was a man of great faith.
After my Mom got breast cancer, my Dad feared the worst. He was suffering greatly with fear and sadness...but after a few weeks of going with Mom to treatment, he tells of a moment as he walked up the stairs to our house, when the Holy Spirit surrounded him and gave him great peace. My Dad was forever changed. My mom is a 7 year survivor of breast cancer, and we know that God was faithful as He spoke to my Dad to give him the peace he needed.
Dad's greatest attribute was his sense of humor. He laughed a lot. Dad loved to play practical jokes on folks. His lifelong friends tell often of their antics while working offshore, and also at the Paper Mill. He was the first to laugh at himself and with us. I recall stepping into a large mop bucket in Piggly Wiggly around the age of 8. It was closing time and Dad said I was looking over my shoulder and hadn't taken a breath b/c I was talking incessantly. As I turned around, my foot landed squarely in the mop bucket and in slow motion, the bucket, the mop and I fell in a twisted, wet heap on aisle 9. As I looked up from the soggy mess, I remember my Dad leaning fully over laughing so hard he couldn't catch his breath.
Dad also found great humor in our dates. My prom date once had his car stall in the driveway. He begged me not to wake up my Dad, but it was just too much fun to hear my Dad heckle the poor guy. As I leaned in to wake Dad up, he opened his eyes and chuckled softly. At 2 a.m., he pulled himself from bed, jumped the poor guy off, and then, as he watched him back slowly off the driveway, into the ditch, Dad walked over to his tractor and proceeded to pull him out. I haven't talked to that guy in 20 years, but the story lives on at our house. Especially watching my Dad crawl up the stairs as he laughed about the episode.
There were an infinite number of blind dates and not so blind dates that, as we recounted the evenings adventures to my Dad, he would laugh and pat us on the back. He always reminded us that these were learning experiences...a chance to weed out our choices for a mate. Dad encouraged us to be selfish when we chose our spouse. He said it was the one time in life when we needed to ensure that our spouse was someone who fit us well and with whom we were equally yoked. It was a lifetime commitment and we were not to take it lightly. I think Dad was pleased with all of our choices. He loved all of his son-in-laws - like his own sons. He was quick to defend them when we complained of our petty differences, and he and Mom both always sided with our husbands, reminding us to be kind, compassionate and loving.
Dad didn't miss an opportunity to lighten the mood, though. He walked down the aisle at my rehearsal dinner with a cane...and said he thought I'd NEVER get married. He wasn't so happy when our career began to take us around the world, but he always said, "You have to follow him wherever he may take you. God has put you together and you have to honor your marriage and your commitment." I have.
My Dad loved us girls, but he was also an exceptional grandfather. I'm saddened by the fact that Suzy will have few memories of him. He took my nephews hunting and fishing from their earliest days. He used the great outdoors to teach lessons about life and death and growth and change. Every experience was a teaching opportunity for him. He took Mary and Will riding on his 4 wheeler, and fishing at the lake. Mary was his walking buddy at the church each morning as he got his daily exercise, too. Here, he doted on how smart she was and how beautiful she was. He and Mom came to see us in Jamaica, Virginia, and Holland. He loved life and he loved experiencing events with our children. He shared his love for history with them, wanted to see them excel in school, and mostly, enjoyed seeing them laugh.
Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in May of 2010. He received radiation in June and July and began taking Nexavar in late June. The side effects were worse on his liver than the disease, so he had to quit taking the drug after a few months. The radiation retarded the growth of his tumors and gave him a respite for a few months. In December, the cancer began to grow again and spread into his lungs. The kids and I flew home on December 27th. Dad was weak, but stood and greeted us that night. Over the course of that week, he grew weaker, and required more assistance as he walked and moved. Two weeks later, after having a port put into his side to drain the fluid, Dad's electrolyte levels became so mixed up that he began to take a turn for the worse. Joe flew home on January 16th and stayed for a week. He was able to visit with Dad and help him. After a week, Joe took the kids back to Nairobi, and over the course of the next week, Dad began to decline even more drastically. One night, Dad called me to his bed and said, "Alison, is everyone a Christian?" I said, "Yes Dad. All of our immediate family knows the Lord." He said, "Good. Does everyone have a place to sleep?" I assured him we were all okay.
On Wednesday, he slipped into a coma, and we began singing to him. My sister returned home from Texas and we were all there. On Thursday morning, he rallied a bit and talked with us. He told my mother he loved her, and puckered up for a kiss. In the afternoon, he began to hurt and went back to sleep. On Friday afternoon, my nephew returned from Vanderbilt and my Dad woke up and tried to shake his hand. He could no longer speak in anything more than a whisper, though he tried. Kramer told Dad about his classes and ended with, "I'm doing well Papaw." My Dad whispered, "At a boy!" to him. Those were Dad's last words.
On Saturday, we sat around him and sang old hymns to him. At noon, I began to sing "Jesus Loves Me." I noticed he wasn't breathing and told my sister. She called everyone around his bed. Everyone laid their hands on him and whispered that we loved him. Dad took two more breaths and then went on to be with Jesus. I will forever remember these last weeks with Dad, as we sang to him, loved on him, stroked his head and said our goodbyes.
He will be forever missed. I can feel his presence constantly and I can hear his words of encouragement. I can hear him saying, "No more tears." And I recall him touching Mary's cheeks tenderly on the morning she left, wiping away her tears, and saying, "I love you. I love you so much. Go to school and do well. This is so important. No more crying now."
Dad knew where he was going. He had full assurance that he would be with Jesus soon. He told my Mom on Saturday, January 15th that he'd talked with the Lord, and that the Lord told Dad He would give him more time, so he could tell Joe and Dave goodbye. God honored that talk. Dad had two more weeks before he went home to be with Jesus. Our tears are for our own sadness and loss. It seems we lost Dad so soon. But, his memory and his life will never be in vain. We shall all continue to proclaim, like the hymn we sang, "O for a Thousand tongues to sing...Blessed be the Name of the Lord!"
We love you Dad.
